This Man has no Aleebee

 
The following questions and answers are real questions posed by real defence barristers and real prosecution barristers during real cases in real courts of law. Really.

 

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?  
A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?  
A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

 

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?  
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?  
A: Forty-five years.  

 
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?  
A: We do.

Q: You do?  
A: Yes, voodoo.  

 
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?  

 

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

  

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that  morning?
A: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

Q: And why did that upset you?  
A: My name is Susan.  

 
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?  

 

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?  
A: Yes.  

Q: And what were you doing at that time?  

 
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?
A: Every year.  

 

Q: She had three children, right? 
A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?  
A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

  

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

  

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

  

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

 

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q : Was this a male, or a female?

 
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

  

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

 

And Finally...

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere>